I don't like sharing

I would love to have that time back, when she was mine and only mine. One thing I always loved about pregnancy was that private relationship. The late night belly rubs, listening to music at desk, bathtime...she was with me everywhere. Going back to work has been SO HARD. Not hard on a day to day basis, but hard as the collective week stacks up into this incredible amount of time. One Friday, I forced myself to go to the gym before coming home from work. I saw a couple of pregnant ladies there and I wanted to talk to them so badly, but I suddenly felt so alone. My baby was elsewhere. You become so used to pregnancy's natural way of flaunting that you are going to be a new mama that it hurts on a very core level to not be around her. As if a limb is missing. I just want to flash my belly stripe and say to everybody, I'm am new mama too! When I got home, I scooped her up and breathed in deeply saturating myself with her scent, tears started to roll down my cheeks, as I felt complete again. The love a mother has for her baby is amazing. So amazing that it hurts. Motherhood is the best thing that has ever happened ot me. It is also the hardest thing I have ever done. Not hard because I don't know what to do or how to care for her. Hard because caring for her means letting go. Every step of the way, she becomes more independent and involved with the world around her. She becomes more confident, able bodied...becomes herself. happy heartbreak.